doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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