for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
