Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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