she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
cat food counts as protein by the way
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
