Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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