Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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