So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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