i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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