Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
well most of my day revolves around power hour
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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