I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
