The brown eye won't let me do that either.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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