i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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