I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
