I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
