Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
