would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
