Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
