So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
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After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
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The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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