told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
you never un-have a 4some
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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