dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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