Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
