I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
