Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
