M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
