We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
