I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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