At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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