I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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