Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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