You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
