I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
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