i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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