its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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