ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
