$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
