tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
