Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
