your room smells of hookers.
And success
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
