your thong is hanging out like whoa
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
high people should be assigned attendants
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
