Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
