oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
