Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
