In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
