For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
