My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
