if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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