I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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