So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
