you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
