we have pet lesbian snakes
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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