I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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