I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
