thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
