if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
