last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
