I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I could make wine with my vomit
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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