were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Blood and glitter go together right?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
