it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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