She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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