youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
