Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Randomize
