fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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