Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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