He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
she told me i tasted like america
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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