boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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