In America we eat man semen.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
