he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
