I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I need to calm my uterus...
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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