holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just want nice things and good sex
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Randomize
