take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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